Written by Joni Howell, Superyou Speech Pathologist & Clinical Manager
So often as caregivers and therapists we look at what children can or can’t do and set goals that we believe are important to their development.
As adults we can see what they need to be able to do and why, right?!
Technically, yes.
But how often do we find that our children resist working on some of these goals – particularly when they find them hard and they need to dig deep into their resilience and persistence?
Some kids become resistant to therapy or feel that it is pointless. Why? Because it’s not important to them.
Getting children engaged in sessions
What if we were to try things a little differently? To change our lenses? Maybe, just maybe, we might get different outcomes.
The solution is to help our children solve problems that may be causing challenging behaviours, without shame, blame or conflict.
Dr Ross Greene tells us, “Kids do well if they can, not if they want to.” Our children don’t choose to resist therapy or to be challenging.
But this is what we will see if they lack the necessary skills – especially when those skills are flexibility/adaptability, frustration tolerance, emotion regulation, and problem solving.
When we see these challenging behaviours, we need to problem solve collaboratively (with our child rather than solving for them) and proactively (rather than reactively).
Exploring a collaborative approach
By working with our children to identify any problems that they are having and then solving those problems collaboratively and proactively our children get the chance to have a say in what is important to them, and how they would like to solve a problem or develop skills. As a result, we see less of the challenging behaviours and more cooperation.
We are also teaching our children independence by safely supporting them to increase their ability to problem solve tricky situations and guiding them to take other people’s perspectives into account. All of this is done in meaningful, real-life situations with real-life problems that they are facing, right now!
Long-lasting benefits for children
When our children are supported to identify these unsolved problems and lagging skills, and then to collaboratively problem solve with us to set their goals and how they will work on them – they take the lead in their therapy.
Yes – it may still be hard work.
Yes – therapy may still take a long time.
But your child will be invested in the process, and the results will speak for themselves!